Five Ways to Maintain Authenticity When Everyone Says You Should Change
In this week’s post, I want to talk about authenticity. I particularly like the definition provided by psychologist and professor Susan Harter who states, “The term authenticity as used here refers to "owning one's personal experiences, be they thoughts, emotions, needs, wants, preferences; or beliefs, processes captured by the injunction to 'know oneself" and ''further implies that one acts in accord with the true self, expressing oneself in ways that are consistent with inner thoughts and feelings".
A bit wordy, but a solid definition. Authenticity is about knowing who you are and acting in a way that is in accordance with that truth every single day. This can be extremely hard when you have people coming at you from all angles telling you that you need to be different.
Staying True to Ourselves
So how can you be true to who you are when people tell you that who you are doesn’t belong? How do you maintain authenticity when everything says you should change?
I want to share with you five ways.
Photo by @OLEGMAGNI
Know yourself. In a previous post I talked about doing a mental SCWEEP. Having an awareness of your self-concept, self-worth, self-efficacy, self-esteem and self-perception. High levels in each of these will dictate how you show up every day and your ability to handle the stress of people imposing their beliefs on you.
Identify what your personal values are. What do you believe to be right and true? What do you stand for and fight against? Identify whether or not what is being asked of you is in opposition of your personal values, and how you would feel if you went against your natural inclinations. This will be a gut check for you.
Engage in frequent self-reflection. I would recommend that this occur every day. As leaders, this is a part of our growth process. Self-reflection is our internal checks and balances. We should always be the first one to check ourselves before anyone else does. Self-reflection allows you to assess your behavior and determine if you are acting in accordance to your values.
Be honest in your words and actions. Speak the truth regardless of how you believe other people will react. Of course, always use tact when you tell people about themselves because it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. The truth will be more palatable to those who don’t like to hear it, if it is delivered in a consumable way.
Release all of the fear you have about who you are, what you stand for and the expectations that you have of yourself and others. I know it’s easier said than done, but when you stop being afraid is when you can achieve greatness and you will be better equipped to lead effectively and cultivate other authentic leaders.
Showing Up Just the Way We Are
So, what do we lose when we show up just the way we are? When we frame statements in the negative, we will look for negative answers. I would venture to reframe this question and ask, what do we gain when we show up just the way we are?
Ask yourself. What do I gain from being my authentic self? What do I gain from showing up every day being present and not compromising my morals and values for the sake of others?
For each of us the answer will be different. But at the end of the day, we don’t lose anything for being honest with and about ourselves, to ourselves, and to others. And, if you feel like you have lost something, then it wasn’t meant for you in the first place.