4 Ways to Move Past Fear
Photo by Diego Rosa on Unsplash
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the standard definition of fear is “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” A more technical definition is an emotion caused by specific threat-related stimuli that, in turn, causes a person to adapt their behavior to either avoid or cope with that threat.
From these two definitions, we can confidently say that fear is a discomforting or disagreeable state of mind caused by an actual or perceived threat of harm by someone or something and, due to that actual or perceived threat, we change what can be considered our “normal” behavior to avoid that threat or deal with it.
Fear is also viewed as an acronym and means False Evidence Appearing Real. When we begin to identify the fears we have around progress, success, judgment, we literally will shut down and not do what is necessary to get us to a place of success, whatever that success may be. Considering that all of things are in fact positive things, fear in this sense is FEAR.
So, the question remains how do we get over these types of fears. While it is not as simple as the example I am about to give, the concept is the same.
My Fear
You may not know this about me, but I have a great fear of public speaking. I know, it makes no sense, but it’s true. No, public speaking will not hurt me. There is no threat to my health or safety by speaking to a group of people about what I am an expert in, but nonetheless I am afraid. What you don’t know is that I engage in public speaking as much as I can. Whether it is a speaking engagement, being a guest on someone else’s platform, hell, having guests on my own podcast, I do it. Why, because it helps me get over my fear.
Fear can be triggered by many very real experiences and trauma, but it is important to really identify what the roots of those fears and if they are real or not.
How do we get past our fears? Here is what has worked for me.
Force yourself to do what makes you afraid. In the example that I just gave, I force myself to be front facing. I do what makes me uncomfortable so that I can get over that feeling. When you think about things like speaking up in meetings, force yourself to do it. Of course, don’t speak for the sake of speaking. Make sure that your contribution to the conversation is valuable, but don’t pass up the opportunity to have your voice heard. The more you do this, the more comfortable you will become, and the more people will see you. You want people to see you, to know who you are and what you are capable of doing. That’s the only way you will grow. Yes, visibility may also be a fear, but remember the definition of leadership. it is about exchange, and if you don’t engage people, you cannot call yourself a leader or be seen as one.
Acknowledge, accept, and share your talents. Throw that imposter always. I know this too is easier said than done, however it is not impossible. You are educated, and have the skills and abilities to do everything that you are currently doing and more. You know this. And quite frankly, so does everyone else, so why are you hiding it? That a rhetorical question, but then again it is not. Ask yourself, why do I hide who I am and what I can do? Engage in some self-reflection. When you find the answer, do the things that will help you change that story.
Understand people’s motives for saying certain words and engaging in certain actions. What does this mean? This is particularly aimed at our fear of being judged. In situations other than when you are actually being judged on something; for example, your performance; people who have negative things to say about you are generally projecting their own insecurities on you. What you can do to prevent this from affecting you, is to understand why they are passing judgement. What is their modus operendi? When you understand this, not only will you not care about what they have to say, you will be able to shut them up before they can get a word out.
Be ok with failing. I know, I know, I hear you saying, “well failure is not an option for me.” I call BS and say that it is. Failure is an option for everyone. Failure is a state of not meeting a desirable or intended outcome or objective. This is important. It is the desired outcome, not meeting ALL outcomes. And it is temporary, it only lasts for that moment. And while failure is often viewed in opposition of success, this this is debatable. Here’s why. When we fail, we gain experience. When we fail, we gain new knowledge. When we fail, we build resilience. When we fail, we grow. When we fail, we increase the value we bring to the table. When we fail, we teach. Tell me, how can all of these things be bad? They can’t
Now, I do not propose that fear is not real. Going back the definitions, it is a real emotional response to an actual or perceived threat. It helps us survive. Fight or flight. When you are in real immediate danger, fear tells you to get the hell out of dodge. It is also real when there is an actual or perceived threat to someone or something important to you. However, it is not real when it comes to achieving your goals, or elevating yourself to a higher level, or realizing your dreams.
These things will not harm you. Being who you are will not harm you. Showing people that you are capable will not harm you. Throwing your hat in the ring for that promotion will not harm you. Asking for a raise will not harm you. Starting that side hustle will not harm you. These are not threats to your survival.
See fear for the fraud that it is and chuck the duces up!